Hole, Square Peg...Hmm
hard-working president took enough time out from mastering his
"activity skills" to draft the State of the Union Address
which he plans to "de-articulate" on Tuesday. In his
speech, the president plans to ask for one thing: Mo money.
George Dubya plans to open his arms and ask congress and the American
people, not only for enough money to buy a Lego set he has had
his eye on, but for $48 billion more in military spending, the
biggest increase in two decades. Mr. Bush adamantly declared,
''America must not rest until every terrorist group of global
reach has been found, stopped and defeated.'' Which we can all
The part that may be a little hard to fathom is the $40 million
that will be allocated out to Arnold Schwartznegger for his next
two installments of Collateral Damage.
Mr. Bush also said that if there is any money left over, it will
go to locating Yasser Arafat a new turbin
that withstands the pressure of six-feet of dirt on top of it.
the Taliban couldn't afford to hand out enough cyanide capsules
for everyone, American Tali, John Walker when recently asked what
he wanted for a snack, replied with a smirk, "Pretzels?"
Timberlake of N'Stink is still in the silicone, after Britney
Spears revealed that she had been stood up for a date with one
of Britain's most eligible bachelors, Prince William. The rendezvous
was set up via an e-mail exchange, but the prince never showed.
Ms. Spears denied rumors of a cyber romance, but we obtained a
portion of an e-mail exchange which suggests otherwise:
PrinceOnTheCan: Come on Brit, give
it up, Are they real are not?
PopPrincess69: Hehehehehehe. Why
not wait and find out :)
PrinceOnTheCan: You're such a tease.
PopPrincess69: Oops, I did it again.
They Only Had a Brain
A convicted felon serving 14 years in a California prison said
he felt like royalty after he was given a heart transplant --
an operation which could cost taxpayers as much as $1 million.
Adversaries of the "act of compassion" quoted a song
by the 70's rock group America in their argument:
"Oz never could give nothing to the Tinman / that he didn't
Suggesting, Why not just let the dirtbag die with what he already
Always One on the Block
on a personal note, going out to anyone ignoramus who still
has their Christmas lights up: You have been very bad, a complete
a-hole, Santa is not coming, take your friggin' lights down
and spare the rest of us on the block from all your wife's ho,
Future Mr. President?
The new phenom and teenage golfer, Ty Tryon has an 11-member
entourage with him while he plays on the PGA Tour. The personal
peanut gallery includes: Two swing coaches, a yoga instructor,
a tutor (by phone), an image consultant, a caddie, a sports
psychologist, an agent, and two massage therapists. All he needs
now is an intern and a crack dealer and he'll be ready to run
for public office.
Ear Hunter, Mike Tyson was at it again this week in a press
conference to announce a fight with heavyweight champion, Lennox
Lewis. In the fracas, the only thing Tyson's teeth could come
up with was an ankle. And he said he'd let his fighting speak
for itself? When's the hair pulling start?
Look for "airhead" Mike's request for a boxing license
to be turned down on Tuesday, followed by a court date for yet
another sexual assault charge, which can only translate into
one thing: Prepare Cell Block C, Mr. Warden.
What They Deserve
girls at Sex in the City were ecstatic last week at the
annual Golden Globes when they all got a firm grip on their