Joke of the Week

Watching KISS play at the Winter Olympics must have been like seeing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir at Woodstock.
- Jerry Perisho

Surf Over! - Every Monday
"Tell-a-friend-about-us" below
Grammy News

"I'm telling you, there's no comedy in there."

Wednesday night during the Grammy's while host Jon Stewart was getting strip-searched for a sign of anything funny (nothing doing there), a source confirmed for us that, contrary to popular belief, Bob Dylan WAS actually alive during his performance.

"Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door."

The King of Rasp was then quickly returned to his coffin where he will await his next blood transfusion, or a flashing from Destiny's Child, to revive him.

Other Grammy news:

Bad news for the boy-banders: They weren't popular enough to win any awards.

Good news: Still popular enough to scam on anyone under 15.

"Yo, baby, want a prom date?"

"West Wing Wimp?"

"There's more truth in one of my shroom trips than all of George Bush's life"

George W. Bush recently came under fire from Aaron Sorkin, creator of NBC's West Wing. In a New Yorker magazine interview, Sorkin said that the entire country, including his own network, is pretending that George W. Bush is competent and brave.

When reached for comment, Bush--on a little field trip--challenged Sorkin to meet him after school behind the center field backstop; where the president will proceed to appoint someone to bash Sorkin's "shroom induced head in."

Have You Checked Out the
Horny Men's Club?
This week:
"Hookers: A Delicate Issue"
Watching Ellie?...
"I'm too sexy for you, I'm..."

...Not for much longer. If you got more than one or two LOL's out of the premiere, you are high, DO NOT PASS GO, please send all psychedelic drugs to…

Aaron Sorkin
c/o NBC
3000 W. Alameda Ave.
Burbank, CA. 91523

And while you're at it, send a LOL or two to:
Jon Stewart
c/o Comedy Central
1775 Broadway
N.Y., NY. 10019

Staying Alive?

And I bet you're wondering if we here at Comedy Ave. are watching Survivor Marquesas? Nope. Wake us up when they finally decide to do it right: Survivor N' the Hood.

Set 12 spoiled whiteys from Beverly Hills down in Compton and let's just see them scurry to get out alive. Can you say: ratings hike with African-American viewers?

"Yo what up, whitey? Welcome to da jungle."

Are You Ready For Some...

Heads to roll?

"Turn out the lights, my party's over

ABC's MNF axed Miller along with Air Fouts, and Mr. Diction-less Dickerson, welcoming the robust John Madden to the booth to call the games with Al Michaels. And with the new heightened safety measures at the network, I bet security guards just can't wait to strip-search Madden. You'd be amazed where the man can hide a chicken bone, let alone a gaseous fuse.

"You can count on major explosions this year on MNF...BOOM! And that's just from my Taco Bell."

Pie in Whose Face?

"Hehe, I'm laughing all the way to the bank."

Bill Gates is still the richest billionaire in the world at 52.8 billion, despite a 10 percent decrease from last year. Second place on the list is Warren Buffet at 35 billion, and somewhere below that: Angola, with a combined yearly income of a whopping 127 dollars.
Not So Fresh Feeling

The Houston Astros have paid 2.1 million dollars to Enron to buy back the naming-rights to their stadium. The stadium, formerly known as Enron Field, will now be called Astros Field until another company steps up to the plate to purchase the name from them. First in the running, Massengil Douche; proving that there's only one way to flush out the pestilence.
The Crowe Flips
"First off, I would like to thank myself for being so talented."
Actor Russell Crowe got testy at the British Academy Awards when a poem he read was edited out of the show. Afterwhich, Crowe pinned the director up against a wall and shouted at him: "I don't give a f*ck who you are. Who on earth had the f*cking audacity to take out the best actor's poem? You f*cking piece of sh*t. I'll make sure you never work in Hollywood!" Ooooh, I'll bet he'll never have the opportunity to work at curing cancer like Russell either. Below is an excerpt from the philosophical, deep poem that Crowe read: "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall…"

They Shoot Horses,
Don't They?
Well how about faux-celebs?
"My show kicked your show's ass!"
Just when you thought FOX Television couldn't stoop any lower, they announced their latest: Celebrity Boxing. First up on March 13 is Danny Bonaduce vs. Barry Williams, then:

Tonya Harding vs. Amy Fisher. No bats, guns, bass guitars or Teen Beat magazines will be allowed in the ring, just hard-up has-beens clamoring for one more opportunity at infamy. The winners receive all-expense paid trips to Don King's hairdresser, and a last hurrah on the Weakest Link: The Suicide Version. G'bye.
Speaking of Weakest Links...
"I rock. I really do."
Ex-heart throb and drug-riddled, Leif Garrett is back on the road, touring small clubs with his band F8 (Fate, for any of you who missed the clever word play). To which we can only reply: WHY???? Fate says that Leif will soon stop touring clubs and begin playing his favorite song: "Detox" at a rehab center near you.
Increase your comic karma, tell-a-friend about us.
Your name Your e-mail address
Your friend's name Your friend's e-mail address
© 2001-2002 Comedy Avenue Production. All rights reserved.