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The Peace Loving Folks at the PLO.

New Issue - Every Monday
July 28, 2002

HOLLYWOOD - (BEFORE)

They came...they flirted...

"Is that your real ass?"

They danced the night away...

"I almost love your new Supercut more than the Macarena, Ben."

They drove away realizing they were on their way to becoming just another f*cked-up Hollywood couple.


(AFTER)

BRITNEYVILLE - With album sales plummeting, Britney realized she may have to sell her hair to an aquarium some day.


Speaking of sell outs...

"Who f*cking cares, mate, it's not like we're trying to cure f*cking cancer. Oops, can I have a take-back, lovey-dovey?"

LAND OF FREE - Because of a shortage of American women who actually don't sit around whining about men all day, the United States decided to enact a law to make it easier for mail order brides to reach our shores. After terrorists, they will be the first allowed in.

"Me love the INS mucho."

NEW YORK - Liza and "straight" hubby David Gest just inked a deal to do their own reality show on VH1 and we can only say: "Sorry Barbra," while we sing: "Send in the Queers..."

"We're just gushing! Gushing! So happy we'll be able to invite you into our home and share not only our musical tastes with you, but also our favorite cryogenics lab where David is kept on weekdays."

LAS VEGAS - Reports say a bad heart and too much cocaine in the membrane combined to kill the Who's John Entwistle... Wait! Rock n' roll=drugs?!? No way!

"Life on the road is hard, man...although it's even harder up here in heaven, because they got a hell of a band, man...and more importantly: NO 'STUFF' or groupies. You try existing in the Afterlife on just cool-aid and cookies."




"Do I make you randy, baby?"

The Horny Men's Club

This week: "Sex in the City"

RABAT - Surgeons have managed to stitch back a 7-year-old Moroccan boy's penis after it was bitten off by a donkey; they would not comment on how the donkey managed to do the damage. If we had to guess we would say: Yes they do have MTV in Morocco and the kid was definitely under the influence of some Jackass or another.

NICE, France - Speaking of freaky animals, more than 400 sheep leaped to their deaths this weekend in a mountainous southeastern region of France. Authorities say it was likely a panicked attempt to escape from a pack of wolves, but we present you with conflicting evidence -

"I was only in the country to show my film, I promise."


AMMAN - Jordan's state Petra news agency reported that a groom spent his wedding night in jail after he accidentally shot dead two guests while firing his automatic rifle to celebrate his marriage. Accomplice-er-ah-best man Charlton Heston could not be reached for comment.

OSAMA SURFACES IN SEQUEL






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