Feel Free to Syndicate Material & Link to Us

Use this Button

BROUGHT TO YOU BY...


The Peace Loving Folks at the PLO.

New Issue - Every Monday

TOP SECRET LOCATION -

By Land...

"That-a way, Bat Dad."

By Sea...

"Under control, Dad's at the helm."

By Air...

The Faux XXX team, aka the Dynamic Doofuses pledged to finish the job Papa Doofus started over a decade ago.

"Ok, is this the part where am I supposed to be shaking in my camel boots?"

HOLLYWOOD - Casting directors make sure you are tuned to E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s Anna Nicole Smith Show this week, as Ms. Smith promises to show the world what a talented actress she is--and we're not talking fake breasts here. The former Playboy Model and gold-digger hopes people will finally take her serious after they see what a funny life she has. The first episode of fun includes Anna having a panic attack in traffic on the way to refill her Xanax prescription and swearing off men not-over-85 forever. Guest star: a mystery Backstreet Boy.

"And I thought just once I could get a date with someone over 14."

LAND OF FREE - In a page right out of the Robert Downey Jr. School of Acting, thespian Mike Burton of the TV show Ed got busted while smoking crack with a homeless man down by the Brooklyn waterfront.

"This is by-the-book Robert. Next up for me: rehab, and then probably a nomination of sorts."

HOLLYWOOD - Taking a page out of the Calista Flockheart School of Acting, party girl Lara Flynn Boyle said: "You hear some celebrities say they can't go anywhere, even to the grocery store, but who the hell wants to go to a grocery store anyway?"

"Now to Jack's house for some crack, (and I am not talking mine), that's a different story."

MEXICO - The Queen of Pap ended her world tour on a controversial note as rain showers cut short her final show in Mexico City Sunday night--adding insult to injury after she made an obscene gesture upon arrival here last week. So, let's see: first she was caught smoking a cigarette; next it was dancing with boys, and now flipping off the media. What's next? A three-some with Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra?

"Oops...I am sooooo bad."

We concur. Awful. Dreadful. But those breasts...

SHLONG LAND - Getting married to Pamela Anderson after four days is what Tommy Lee calls "the biggest mistake of my f*cking life. That was bonehead." The big penis-er-ah musician has been engaged to Prince's ex, Mayte for over a year and he says he's not going to rush into anything--with the exception of branding her with his own particular strain of Hepatitis C.

"F*ck, it's not like she's a Harvard Grad, man. She's just a groupie. Ya think she really cares? She's got her trophy and I've got mine. Hepititis A,B,C, it's all good."

DYSFUNCTIONAL KINGDOM - Father of actress Angelina Jolie, Jon Voight recently spoke out with shocking news: His daughter has had severe mental problems since early on in her life. No way!

Apparently the apple doesn't fall too far from the Feng Shui tree as Voight, who divorced Jolie's mother before she was a year-old, says he is deeply depressed that Jolie will not allow him to see his first grandchild, Baby Maddox.

"He can't help me! He can't help my pain! The only thing that can help my pain is the ludicrous amount of money I make and the next freak actor who comes along to claim both me, my Billy Bob tattoo, and my adorable Vietnamese baby, Maddox."

NEPOTISMVILLE - It looks like the not-so-famous son of Marlon Brando has finally found a calling: to work along side Madam Cleo. It was revealed that Christian Brando had previously warned Bonny Lee Bakley, saying: "You better get a handle on that and really think about what you're doing, running around sending letters to guys, embezzling money from all these idiots. You're lucky--not on my behalf--but you're lucky somebody ain't out there to put a bullet in your head." Once the bullet rang true, Brando was contacted by every psychic in the book, none of course who wanted to cash in on his last name.

"I think my father is proud of who I have become, yes. I mean, all he's done is gone from being a bastard to a big fat bastard. And I am not advertising Austin Powers when I say that."


"This ain't a shameless plug either, baby."

The Horny Men's Club

This week: "Ask Lust"






i