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This Week
BROUGHT TO YOU BY...

A man named Toast

New Issue - Every Monday
Today is the first minute of the rest of your day and the first day of the rest of your life and:
OPERATION TROOP RALLY -

This week the President was out trying to fire up Team Ass Kick...


"We may be white, but that doesn't mean we can't ball. We're coming to slam dunk in your face Satan, um, er, Saddam."

Meanwhile, along with Gebhardt and some other white dude (pictured above), not everyone was immediately on board...

"You want some of this or not, Dick???"

With Dick's reluctance, Dubya decided it was time to break out the inspiration. "Give me a V!...Give me an A!..."


And instantly someone was dribbling at the mouth...

"You know, cricket is my sport, but if there's cheerleaders involved, I say let's whoop some ass."

We interrupt this Pep Rally for a Liza Land break: More concerned with their own well being than that of America's, David Gest sang it loud and clear this past week...

"Having my baby, what a lovely way to say you're thinking of me...Actually we're adopting."
Now that the Brits were on board, another Adopter could rest assured that her precious child was going to be safe...

"All I need now is a new man on the ball."

And suddenly Mr. Homeland Protector was in...

"I will protect you and respect you...but I will not wear your blood in a vial around my neck."

Now someone was a little jealous...

OK, that's not fair. I work my tail off and they hide me away in bunkers in BFE and do I ever get rewarded with actresses?"

Ready to answer the distress call, for the country that pays him gazillions of dollars to act like a cad...

"Would you go for an actor, Dick?"

Meanwhile at the annual Burning Man Festival, some former WNBA players volunteered to get in on the Operation Slay Saddam...

"We got next!"
But Dubya was adverse to the WNBA's inclusion...

"Let me repeat, Rummy: We don't do lesbians. We do corporate crooks, environmental destruction and Oprah. But we don't do lesbians."

"Give me a...."

Dubya's game plan left the Democrats wanting to take the ball they never had and go home...

"America is about equality, not exclusivity."

"America is about strength and winning the game, you leftist pussies."

And bottom line, His Delusion believes if the game goes well....

"I will take my rightful place in statuary".

"And at least one person knew what a sham that was."



The Horny Men's Club

This week: "Back to School"
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