Joke of the Week

Whenever I hear about a "peace-keeping force," I wonder: If they are so interested in peace, why do they use the force?" -George Carlin

Surf's Up! - Every Monday







President George W. Bush, in an attempt to smoke Osama bin Laden out of hiding, recently tried engaging Bin Laden in a little game of "Mine's Bigger Than Yours." The President, pictured here, is holding up the size of Bin Laden's penis, which a 1 billion dollar satellite was able to detect. (How's that for a microscope?) However, size does count. Therefore Bin Laden refused to play, took his penis and went home, and is still cowering in a cave like the dog that he is.

In the next attempt to smoke out Bin Laden, hoping to piss him off, the President proposed sending pop princess, Britney Spears to Afghanistan to display to Bin Laden, and the ruling Taliban party, that America is a democratic country that allows our women to drape themselves in anything they deem appropriate. The proposal was turned down by Glad, who refused to sponser the trip because they deemed the territory too dangerous for their Cling Wrap to travel in.

Dismayed with his failures, the President took some time out to play a round of golf with his idol, Tiger Woods. Mr. Bush used the time wisely, attempting to lobby Mr. Woods, just in case, V.P. Dick Cheney is not able to make it for the duration of the New War.

Prissy, Press Secretary, Ari Fleischer, claimed that Mr. Woods is indeed interested in the position, "although he doesn't want to upstage Mr. Cheney at such a crucial time." Meaning the small talk about Mr. Woods being a "caddie" is secret code for: "My bet is Cheney makes it three months, tops."



And in a brilliant stroke of luck, the President was able to lure Bin Laden out of his cave long enough to go on his favorite game show.

Bin Laden is reported to have a mad crush on host, Anne Robinson, and therefore was willing to risk being a contestant. If Bin Laden had won, his prize would have been a romantic, all-expenses-paid week alone with Robinson in an Afghanistan cave of his choice. And here's to you Mrs.Robinson (for also agreeing to cover your face with a brown paper sack and wear a ball-gag in your mouth should Bin Laden have won), heaven holds a place for those who pray, hey, hey, hey. However, Bin Laden was not so lucky, his penalty for losing: Death by public hanging in the seventh inning stretch of a World Series game of his choice (Go Yanks!). You will never get to Heaven. And you are, the weakest link Mr. Bin Laden, g'bye.

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