Joke of the Week

"Los Angeles can be dark and confusing. During the holidays I went to the mall and sat on Satan's lap."

Leslie Nesbitt


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Top-10 Recent Name Changes for Arab Americans
1. George
2. Sam
3. Dick
4. Al
5. Master P
6. Moe
7. Curly
8. Shecky
9. Beavis
10. Coolio
1. Oprah
2. Georgette
3. Laura
4. Oprah Jr.
5. Chyna
6. Taneekwa
7. Christiane
8. White trash hoe
9. Butch
10. Madonna

Obnoxious goofball, Tom Green decided to file for divorce from Drew Barrymore after just five months of connubial bunk. Green claims that since losing a testicle to cancer he has developed a testicle fetish, and that instead of spending time working on his marriage, he would rather devote his life to working on his version of the famous Nutcracker Ballet. In Green's ballet, look for fellow MTVer Johnny Knoxville, of Jackass infamy, to two-step onstage and actually crack Green's remaining nut in a vice. Barrymore's only comment released through her publicist was, "I will always love Tommy, no matter how nutty he is, or isn't."

Colin Wood, a 30-year-old financial services worker from London, has coughed up $430 to spend two weeks alone in a decommissioned nuclear bunker in Essex, east of London, to escape the stresses of a family Christmas. He has even foregone traditional Christmas fare, opting instead for a frugal diet of processed luncheon meat known as Spam, baked beans and tap water. When Wood emerges from his self-imposed hum bug, he can look forward to a year of divorce proceedings, a total rape and pillage of his finances, and then a lot more Spam.

In another Scrooge move, President Bush refuses to allow Vice President Dick Cheney to emerge from his secret bunker over the Holidays, although Bush was kind enough to send Cheney a care package complete with a year's supply of, yup, Spam. Cheney's custom made bunker comes with its own cardiac care unit should the spry V.P. miss the amenities of his normal life.

Another asshole was foiled while trying to blow himself--and the plane he was traveling in--up over the weekend, when passengers aboard the flight from France to Miami subdued the cocksucker while he tried to light a fuse that was hidden in one of his sneakers. Apparently the man is not a terrorist after all, but just a poor, hapless Nike sweat shop worker who was tired of "just doing it" for far less than minimum wage. And speaking of Nike hoes....

Now that Mr. Jordan is doing it again, with a bunch of hapless NBA impostors, the staff at Comedy Ave. would like to apologize for comments made a couple of weeks ago. Michael you rock our world. If we could only be caddy for your jock strap for one day, we would know what it's like to touch true greatness... and smell it. PU!
You're still going down in the 1st round of the playoffs.
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