Joke of the Week
"War"
It seems as if every year or so there's another new war breaking out. There was war in Sri Lanka. Beirut. Yugoslavia. Croatia. Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. Before the war in the Middle East, I didn't know what the hell a Kuwait was. I thought it was a fruit from New Zealand.
-Paul Rodriguez
Surf's Up! - Every Monday
   
 
   

 

 

 

Paranoia Strikes Deep
"...into your life it will creep...it's starts when you're always afraid. Step out of line, the man comes, and take you away. It's time we stop children, what's that sound? Everybody look what's going down."

The Buffalo Springfield called it for us. What is going down right now is Paranoiaville, not totally unwarranted, mind you, but extreme. I mean, shit, parents are taking kids to Chicken Pox parties, for chrissakes! How outlandish is that? "No, little Timmy, no birthday cake for you, only pock marks and high fever today, honey. You'll thank me later. When you're the last remaining human on earth who hasn't died from, um, Small Pox." It is not the same thing! Where is the logic?

Below, the Comedy Ave. Staff has gone out and documented some other recent afflictions which haven't been getting quite as much press, as say, Sweet & Low Anthrax scares or the new Elian Gonzalez Museum in Miami! What a crock!
Fidel is laughing all the way to the kiddie porn!

The Disappearing Condit: This occurs when whoever is in the deepest shit at the moment, plots a major conspiracy so that everyone forgets all about him.
The Genteel Gere: Pacifists especially at risk for catching this one. You can be sure you have it when you think that you can go to Afghanistan and hug all the hatred away. (See Shirley MacLaine)
The Colon Powell: A serious form of cancer caused by years of being in a rigid and stressful position.
The Doubting Druggie: Abnormal paranoia. They begin to suspect that the powder their dealer sells them just may not be cocaine.
The D.B. Cooper: You get a sudden itch to go out and buy a parachute just in case you have to make it out of your second story building alive.
The Sly Stallone: Macho men easily susceptible. Afflicted claim they went out and bought gas mask because employee in cubicle next to them has really bad gas.
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The Patriotic Pulverizer: Usually a male. Someone who decides to cut everyone off in traffic if they don't have a flag waving from their car.
The Reluctant Rocker: In an attempt to alienate themselves and ruin their careers, these are the recording stars who refuse to participate in a benefit concert.
The Capitalist Cocksucker: This is the guy on the street corner (often disguised as a kid selling lemonade) who jacks up his prices on flags and caps so he can afford that television set for his luxury S.U.V.
The Hidden Hitler: It's the one where you begin to think that the little old lady that lives in your building just may be an Al Qaeda Terrorist.

 

Osama & Trusty Assistant Found!

 

 

 
   
 
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